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OSI: “Connoisseur”

I’m once again participating in the fun that is One Single Impression. If you enjoy poetry and awesomeness (and I know you do), why not pay them a visit?

As most of you know, I have been the occasional (ok, more than occasional) target of ridicule for my elitist tendencies. My dedication to social justice and love of underdogs aside, I will admit that I occasionally come across as a bit of a snoot. This used to be bother me, until I realized that everyone’s a bit snobby about SOMETHING in their lives. For me, it’s troglodytic inanity and the sort of middlebrow humor that involves “sassy” puppets; for others, it could be the annoying tendencies some people have toward destroying the English language with words like “anyways” and “supposibly” (no, wait, that’s me again). The obverse side of this snobbish coin, however, is what I like to call “Positive Snobbery,” aka “discernment,” aka “of course I only serve Stash tea – where do you think you are, Beirut?”

My point is, just as we are very certain about the things we find unacceptable in our lives, there are those special treasures we consider to be our particular realms of expertise as well; we are all, in the end, connoisseurs of something (no matter how ridiculous it may seem to others).

With these thoughts in mind, I give you:


What is this, cotton?
I specifically asked for
The finest red silk.

Why? WHY? One doesn’t
Simply stitch together some
Bargain-bin seconds

When creating an
Elegant masterpiece of
This scope and degree!

Would Christian Dior
Settle for baling wire
And old woodchuck hides?

Would Coco Chanel
Mix a batch of Number 5
With durian juice?

Would Paula Deen use
Crushed Chee-tos™ to batter a
Rich filet mignon?

(OK, actually
She probably would, but you
get what I’m saying.)

I’m starting to think
You don’t even care about
What we’re doing here.

I’m starting to doubt
Your commitment to our cause;
our people; our team.

This crap might fly o’er
At Kelsey’s house, but here at
Team Edward we treat

T-shirt construction
With the utmost and sincere

(With apologies to all you Twilight nerds out there.  😉 )

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  1. I really dig what you write on here. I try and come back to your site every day so keep up the good posts!

  2. What a creative and witty piece. I like the humor in this poem and you setup the poem very nicely here. You’ve certainly captured the essence of connoisseur.

  3. I agree with you, and I enjoyed this very, very much.

  4. yeah, true…

    they just don’t know that making things perfect is simply a way of doing things like a connoisseur…:)

    beautiful thoughts….thanks for sharing and for taking part in my prompt this week…:)

  5. This was a hoot. I love the self deprecating humor, and can certainly identify with those…ahem, tendencies.

  6. Hello. I must agree with your very witty poem Most people think they are connoisseurs and are not.


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