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Hey there! It’s me, the Scrunchie. You remember me, right? I’m lacy or furry or made from the discarded carcass of an unidentified mammal and come in a variety of colors? I’m kinda like a doily for your head, only wrapped around a rubber band? Yeah, that’s me!
I suppose you’re wondering where I’ve been – I know it probably seems like it’s been a while since we hung out together. I’ve been getting by, knocking around Eastern Europe for awhile before returning home in the sodden hair of a mail-order bride. Sure, times have been tough lately, but as Coco Chanel once said, “only fashion fades, style is forever,” am I right? Eh? Eh?
You’ll be pleased to know I’ve recently signed an exclusive morning contract with That One Clueless Lady from Your Gym, as well as several long-term appearances with the Girl You Had a One-Night Stand With And Forgot to Call Back and various folks you see wandering in and out of your local Wal-Mart or lower-end convenience stores. Even Hipster Mecca American Apparel wants a piece of the red-hot Scrunchie Action! Hey, when you’re trying to get back to the top, it’s not about quality, it’s about quantity, y’know what I mean?
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I’m doing well. I’ve got to go, though, because my lawyer says there’s a chance I just might make it into the Emmy gift basket this year! Fingers crossed!
PS – I got a call from Acid Wash last week, I guess he’s living with his mom now. He and Neon split up, I guess it got pretty ugly. You should call.