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Write-a-Thon, Day 12: Letter From a Scrunchie

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Yeah, you know Punky Brewster rocked me like a hurricane.
Yo.

Dear America,

Hey there! It’s me, the Scrunchie. You remember me, right? I’m lacy or furry or made from the discarded carcass of an unidentified mammal and come in a variety of colors? I’m kinda like a doily for your head, only wrapped around a rubber band? Yeah, that’s me!

I suppose you’re wondering where I’ve been – I know it probably seems like it’s been a while since we hung out together. I’ve been getting by, knocking around Eastern Europe for awhile before returning home in the sodden hair of a mail-order bride. Sure, times have been tough lately, but as Coco Chanel once said, “only fashion fades, style is forever,” am I right? Eh? Eh?

You’ll be pleased to know I’ve recently signed an exclusive morning contract with That One Clueless  Lady from Your Gym, as well as several long-term appearances with the Girl You Had a One-Night Stand With And Forgot to Call Back and various folks you see wandering in and out of your local Wal-Mart or lower-end convenience stores. Even Hipster Mecca American Apparel wants a piece of the red-hot Scrunchie Action! Hey, when you’re trying to get back to the top, it’s not about quality, it’s about quantity, y’know what I mean?

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I’m doing well. I’ve got to go, though, because my lawyer says there’s a chance I just might make it into the Emmy gift basket this year! Fingers crossed!

Your pal,

The Scrunchster

PS – I got a call from Acid Wash last week, I guess he’s living with his mom now. He and Neon split up, I guess it got pretty ugly. You should call.

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4 Comments

  1. Great, next you’ll be telling me Zubas are out. Do I have to buy new clothes EVERY 20 years?

  2. Sadly, yes. Although if you can get on that elusive 25 year cycle, you can just invest in dye or pretend you’re being “ironic.”

  3. If scrunchies come back are mullets to follow????

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