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You’re NOT Alone: Trans*folks at Christmas

Christmastime is here.

(I’ll wait while you finish singing along to your mental Vince Guaraldi Trio.)

It’s one of my favorite times of the year. I am something of a curmudgeon, but at the holidays, surrounded by my friends and family, I get sentimental, and am reminded that I have so very much for which to be grateful. I came out at Christmastime, and while things were CA-RAAAAZY rocky for awhile (the better part of a decade, actually), through hard work, love, and lots of luck, my family and I have reached a new understanding and found peace.

And yet, for so many of my trans* peers, this is the WORST time of the year. Families who don’t understand, or don’t want to, can make a transperson feel incredibly isolated, hated, and utterly alone. Rejection, scorn, and blame aplenty can make you feel like life’s not worth living.

But let me be the first to tell you that’s NOT the case. You’re not alone, my dears, and no matter what abuse and hate you’ve endured, there IS light at the end of the tunnel. You don’t have to struggle alone. Sometimes, just the sound of a friendly voice can make all the difference.

The December Project

No matter where you are in your transition, if you need some love and understanding, please get in touch with THE DECEMBER PROJECT. Jenny Boylan and a team of volunteers take it upon themselves every December to reach out over the phone to trans* folks who are feeling isolated and unloved during what should be one of the happiest times of the year. They are a small team, but they do their damnedest to call everyone who needs that human touch of kindness over the course of the month.

Your Holiday Mom

Coming out can create some serious tension between you and your folks, which sucks if you value your relationship with your parents. Enter Your Holiday Mom, a site that features a new post from loving Moms, Dads, Aunts and Uncles EVERY SINGLE DAY of the holiday season. Full of hope, love, and understanding, these posts might not take the place of your actual folks, but they can remind you that you’re both loved and worthy of love.

National Suicide Prevention Hotline

Transitioning should be the most joyous and awesome thing you’ve ever done for yourself. But bigotry, ignorance, and hate can make it a very trying time, and you might (as I did, in those dark days after I first came out), think suicide is your only option. BUT IT’S NOT. If you need more than a friendly voice, or are in need of emergency counsel, please, please, PLEASE reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline here:


They also have live chat support online if you don’t think you can handle a phone call. But whatever you do, if you are in crisis, PLEASE talk to them before you attempt a permanent solution to temporary problems.

(I’m not being glib here: I know those problems seem overwhelming, and that your life isn’t worth living. I have been there. I AM YOU. So please, don’t be afraid to reach out, because hands are waiting to pull you up and into the light again.)

Drop me a line

I’m nobody’s expert, and I’m nobody’s guru, but I am always happy to talk to someone who’s got questions about transition. I might not have ALL the answers, but I will do my best to answer your questions and let you know you’re not alone. This is the hardest, most awesome, most terrifying, most amazing thing you will do in your life (and something many of us do in order to live our lives as our best selves), so if you’re looking for a comrade-in-arms, or just a new pal, hit me up on El Feisbuk, The Goog, or via email. You’re not alone! You’ve got a whole world of friends and family you haven’t even met.

Happy Holidays, my Hordelings. May your days be full of love, light, and luck.

Published in"The Gay."AmericaFamilyFriendsHolidaysLGBTTransgender Issues


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